WASHINGTON, D.C. — On Sunday morning, failed presidential candidate Donald Trump frustratedly told Russian reporters that he never had a daughter named Tiffany, and he never will.
The reporters from Russia TV caught up with Trump at a golf course after he defaulted to a score of 8 on the 18th hole. He lost the golf match handily to his competitor Julian Assange, who has visited Russia for undisclosed reasons. After frustratedly launching his putter into a nearby lake, Trump approached the reporters to clarify his familial situation.
“I have one daughter, Ivanka. She’s incredibly sexy. A perfect 10. I also have three sons. Each more hardworking, intelligent, and handsome than the last. And that’s it, okay?” he revealed. Trump went on to call rumors of a second daughter named Tiffany “fake news.”
The estrangement between father and daughter at least seems to be mutual. When Trump’s comments reached the United States, Tiffany Trump tweeted, “Never heard of the guy. And thank God — if he were my father, I would be an absolute mess…and orange.”
Trump’s other children, meanwhile, have been reportedly ordered to block all communication with their former sister. The siblings have unfollowed Tiffany on their social media accounts, and family pictures have been edited to cut out Tiffany’s face.