ORLANDO (The Borowitz Report)—Speaking to reporters on Thursday morning, Vice-President Mike Pence ripped the New York Times and vowed never to write for it again.
“I think the New York Times is reprehensible and disgraceful, and should apologize to the American people,” Pence said. “As for me, I’m going to show my disgust with the Times by never, ever submitting another piece of writing to it.”
Pence said that, in addition to the Times’ irresponsible decision to publish incendiary articles, “The editors over there are really hard to deal with if you’re a freelance opinion writer.”
“People see the New York Times as a biased publication with a blatant agenda to take down Donald Trump,” Pence said. “What people don’t realize is that the editors over there make a freelance writer’s life miserable—suggesting changes in words, moving paragraphs around, and cutting lines that you thought were really good.”
In addition to those criticisms, Pence said that the Times insists that writers sign a contract and submit a W-9 before they can get paid.
“The Times says that it pays writers promptly, but when I look at their behavior up to this point, color me skeptical,” Pence said. “I’ll believe it when I get the check.”